I’m not all together sure when it happened that I lost my joy and my identity. Perhaps is was during a 3am feeding; maybe it was while cleaning a toilet or a post-meal kitchen. Maybe I never fully developed my joy or identity. I know I never wanted to be one of those people that life just happened to. But, somewhere along the line, it did and I let it. Can you relate? Do you ever have that moment, in the middle of the chaos of every day, when you think, “is this who I wanted to be?” or “am I happy?”
Now, I have to stop here to say that I have a husband I absolutely adore and two teenage boys who I couldn’t love more. Do they make me crazy at times? Absolutely! Are they the cause of my losing myself? Absolutely not! I only have me to blame for that. I just stopped prioritizing me the way I prioritize everyone and everything else. My decision; my fault.
What does my loss of self look like, you might be asking. Over the past two-and-a- half years, I’ve put on 70 lbs – I am a stress and loneliness eater, I have become depressed and sad, I’m too often sick and have continuous body pain, and worst of all, I’ve become that person my husband and boys don’t really like being around. They love me, but I can tell they feel the angst that tugs me down daily. This is not who I want to be! And, the reality is that I know I’m the only one who has the control to change it. – with God’s guidance and provision.
So, here and now it begins…my journey back to joy. I hope you’ll follow me on this journey.